Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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