none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
