My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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