Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
