when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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