the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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