oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
