he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
