I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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