Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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