The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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