my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
