we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
