Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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