she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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