Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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