I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
