ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
