I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
