omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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