Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
