the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
