I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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