by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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