My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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