I'm going to jail i love you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
