Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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