I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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