Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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