her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Randomize
