We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
