He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
