so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
