just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
