I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
