dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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