I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
