so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
