Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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