Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
