problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
