Tell her she can't have a vagina
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
