his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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