i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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