just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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