Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
