Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
