I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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