she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
