this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
