JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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