I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
