Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
