I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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