what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
