our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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